ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
