He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i believe in u and ur pee
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
