its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
