I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
