Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
