I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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