you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
