I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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