Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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