If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
