Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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