Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
