ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
