I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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