1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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