so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
