I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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