Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
