Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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