For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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