why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
