i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
