it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
