On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
