A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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