In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
