Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
