I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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