He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
