I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
