she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
