my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
