shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
