If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
