singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
