I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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