your parents love me but you hate me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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