she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
