What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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