eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
