how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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