Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
