At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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