East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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