Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
