All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
