I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
