Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
