I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
