i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
