smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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